Lost Without You
by KungFuPandaFanatic
Summary: "What do I do?" "How do I go on?" These are the questions people ask themselves when death comes and takes away their 'world'.


The loss of love, no matter how strong you are or how much you train your heart to be strong in such an event. It will always break through, and break you down to a point where you are on your knees and screaming in pain to the sky above. Crying in such floods where all you can see is pure blurs of what's around you. Most of all though, how it lingers in your heart and soul, making you grasp your chest with each memory and sensation you felt of that person that life took away from you. In a way, it give you two choices. One, just let yourself be drowned in it and never again be the same person. Or two, find a way to live with it and at the same time move one from the loss. Those are the choices people all over the world have to choose, and such a person is trying to figure out what he should do now. For it has been four weeks, since the Dragon Warrior lost his heart. Four long weeks of flooding eye oceans and painful beats for his beloved Tigress, who was simply defending a family from a bandit raid in a neighboring village. For ever since that day, Po hardly talked to anyone and kept to himself in and out of the palace. Not even being at the reveal of her honorary statue just a week later after her death. For hers was placed next to the newly rebuilt of Oogways statue and was of her standing proud with her arms crossed, a smile on her face, and dressed in her original outfit. Something that allowed her friends and family to give their respects , and Po was in no way trying to disrespect them or her. He knew they lost someone they loved to, a daughter, a sister, and a friend. For him though, she was his everything and more. His light, his world, his inner peace which was why he was so broken and lost and on the beginning of the fifth week of her passing, he just sat his room not saying a world. It wasn't until when dark came though he started to speak, not to others, rather just himself.

"What am I doing? Why am I even still here?" He asked himself quietly, as he sat on the edge his bed with his head hung low and paws resting on either side of him.

"The more you're here Po, the more pain your going to feel. I mean, you and Tigr-," He stopped, his lips beginning to quiver while his paws gripped the sheets. The mere mention of her name, beginning to shake away his calm demeanor. He then gritted his teeth and closed his eyes in anger, letting some tears out.

"D-damn it, why did you have to go and sacrifice yourself like that? Why did you have to go and leave me alone in this place that holds your presence?" Po sobbed in pain, lifting his paws from the bed before he wrapped himself in his own embrace. Squeezing himself as tightly as he could while his mind played one of the many happy memories he had of her out.

 **Seven weeks ago in Tigress's room**

 _"So, what do you feel like doing today my sweet heart?" A happy Po asked, holding his feline close to him on her bed with her back pressed against his belly._

 _"Hmmmmm, I'm not sure, what did you want to do today Po?" Tigress asked warmly, placing her paws on Po's and gripping them tightly._

 _"Oh I don't care, as long as I get to be with you Ti." Po stated, kissing the left side of the Tigers neck. Letting a warm tingling sensation run down her body all the way to her tail, making it twitch happily. She then closed her eyes for a brief second and opened them back up slowly._

 _"I figured you'd say that," She chuckled, before she started to get. This made Po let go of her, to which Tigress got off the bed and looked back at the semi confused panda._

 _"If that's the case, I wouldn't mind a hot bowl of noodles with some more of your child hood stories." Tigress stated with a smile on her face. This made Po tilt his head a little before positioned himself so that he was now sitting on the bed._

 _"Really? They are not exactly all that thrilling nor are they all that happy, in fact they might not all be accurate considering I've repressed some of them." Po told her quietly, looking down at the floor beneath him with a somewhat sad look. Upon seeing this, Tigress reached out her right paw Ti him, 'causing him to look up at her._

 _"Than I'll help you, and if they get to bad we can stop. Just like you did when I told some of mine, you never pushed and accepted when there were certain things I didn't want to tell." She told him warmly, making Po smile before he took her right paw his left, intertwining their fingers together._

 _"I know this may be a silly question, but have I told you how awesome you are and how much I love you?" Po asked, standing to his feet while looking into Tigress's eyes._

 _"You've mentioned it a few times," Tigress told him with a chuckle herself, looking Po in his eyes._

 _"Than I'll say it again, I love you Tigress and all your awesomeness that glows from you." He then leaned down and gave her a quick kiss on the lips, and after he did, he tightened his grip on the felines paw._

 _"I love you to Po, and all that glows from you." Tigress purred happily, before she and him slowly left the room, and headed for the kitchen. Where noodles would be slurped and stories were told amongst the two for the majority of the day._

 **End of flashback**

"To think, you sat there and listened to everything I wanted to talk about. You never looked bored or annoyed, but always intrigued and ready to help me when I needed it. You got me through so much Tigress, more than you could have imagined. Yet, so many have told me that I'll be ok and things will be alright. How can they be though? How can they look me in the eyes and tell me I'll get through this? How can one like me lose their world and expect to just find another one? To live on, feeling like the one hope you had is gone forever?" Po sobbed to himself, his arms loosening themselves around his body. As he began to breath deeply, trying to calm himself knowing it wasn't going to do anything, for it hasn't since the past four weeks.

"I mean, what can I do Tigress? Leave here and never come back? What would that fix though? I'd still be the same, a lonely panda with a heart he just wants to rip out so the pain will stop. Gods, do I just sit here and let myself just be drowned in all of this? Do I just let this consume myself and accept I won't be able to live without you?" He asked in wander, looking up at the ceiling in pure confusion.

"Please, tell me what I should do Tigress. P-please answer me and help me like you've done for so long." Po begged, reaching his right paw up above him, hoping he would feel someone grabbing it, but nothing came and only the the surrounding air was its companion. It was then, Po slowly brought his paw down and cupped his face with his paws, crying his heart out. In the midst of his crying though, he remembered something he completely forgot about in the midst of everything.

 **Three days before Tigress's passing**

 _"Po, I want to tell you something." Tigress said to Po, as they were sitting down and watching the sun rise at the sacred peach tree._

 _"What is it Ti?" Po asked in wander, looking over to his right._

 _"I know you love talking to me about things, and I love listening to them. If something happens though, like I'm on a mission for a while and you feel like you don't want to talk to anyone but me on something. Write it down, so when I get back, I can read what you wanted to talk about. Then we can talk about in person, does that sound good?" Tigress asked, looking over at Po who nodded his head._

 _"Yeah, sounds like a great idea. If I may ask though, what made you want to tell me this?" Po asked, moving closing to the feline till their shoulders were touching._

 _"I don't know, I mean the life of a warrior is unpredictable. We've been going on more missions lately and I just wanted to give you an idea that could bring you ease when I'm not there with you on a mission or at home." She said softly, leaning her head so that it was resting on the pandas shoulder._

 _"Oh, yeah, that makes sense." Po had then leaned his head onto hers and wrapped his right arm around her, holding her close as the warm rays of the sun blasted them with nothing but warmth and so much more._

 **End of flashback**

"Write what I feel?" As he lifted his head out of his tear stained paws. Once he did, he looked over at a small desk on the far left side of his room. When he began to look over at it, he stood up from his bed and walked over to it. When he did, he opened the first drawer out of the two and in it laid two pieces of paper with a small bottle of ink and a small brush. The reason being it was left over from an autograph session he had a while ago.

"To write what I feel, when you're not here with me." He softly repeated what she had told him. After he did, he reached his paws in and grabbed the contents out of of the drawer. He then closed the drawer and walked back to his bed, where he set it all down.

"What do I write though Tigress? I'm feeling so much right now and I don't have much to work with. No, it's enough to write for you Ti." Po said sternly, wiping his to make sure he could see clearly. He then, opened the bottle of ink , grabbed the brush and placed one of the papers in front of him after he got down on his knees.

"Ok, just write what you feel Po. What you would say to Ti if she was right here next to you." He then took a deep breath, dipped the end of the brush into the ink and placed the tip on the paper. Soon, he began to move the brush, writing letters, words, and then sentences. His face full changing emotions with each move of the brush, for at one time he would be smiling and at others he would be on the brink of sobs. Going from the first page to the last page, writing his heart out until he finished about an hour and a half later.

"There...," Po calmly said, laying the brush on top of the ink bottle.

"It's all written out, everything. I'm sure you want to hear it hu, Tigress?" Tilting his head up for a brief second before looking back down at his words.

"You're not exactly going to hear it here though. There's only one place where they might have a chance of reaching you where you are, one place that I should've been to already for you." Po softly said, getting up from his knees and grabbing each paper with each of his paws. After he did, quietly opened his door and shut it for everyone else was already sleep and Po wanted to make sure he'd be going alone, he had to. So with each step, he made sure he didn't make a noise, until he was safely out of the barracks and out side which allowed him to walk at a regular pace. Which that got him to his destination in about ten minutes, and when he arrived he could feel his body be hit with waves of emotions, as he stood before the statue of her.

"H-hey Tigress, I don't know if you've been hearing me the whole time I was in my room. Even if you did, I just want to be safe and make sure you know what I said. I first want to apologize for not being here when everyone else was, I- I just was still coming to grasp that I had lost you Ti. I felt alone again like I was in those stories I told you about when I was a cub, and secondly, if you've been watching over me I'm so sorry if I have made you sad Tigress with the way I have been since your passing. I don't mean to, but it's just so hard. It's hard to be here right now, 'cause looking at this statue of you makes me have to accept the fact that you really are gone and that I won't see you again for who knows how long." Po stated softly, his voice beginning to muffle with his eyes becoming watery.

"I did what you told me though Ti, it took four weeks but I remembered what you told me on that day. To just write what I was feeling when you're not there by my side. To write my heart out so when we would meet again you'd get to see what it was like for me without you. That's what I did just now, I wrote down what I was feeling without you Ti. I wish I could show you, so we could talk about it, but now I can only tell you and hope that somewhere out there, your listening and hearing h-how m-much I miss you." Po cried, closing eyes to squeeze the water out of his eyes and trying to clear his throat of a lump he felt that it was brining on.

"I-I'm sorry, I'm trying not to cry 'cause I know you hate seeing me like this. So before it really starts to show, let me read my feelings for you kitten." He chocked out, placing the first page of the paper over the second and gripping them both in his paws. Once he composed himself so his voice was clear, he began to read.

"Tigress, as I write this out. I can't help but feel as though someone is stabbing me in the heart over and over again. It's not that I don't want to write about you, it's just painful to do so. For I know that none of these words I'm writing down will never be get to seen by your eyes. That I won't be able to see your smile and feel your embrace that I know you would give me due to how much sorrow you would see in these words I'm writing. More so that, from now on, this will be the only way I will be able to talk to you. Which means never again will I hear you soothing voice, feel your warm touch, or listen to your beating heart ever again..." He then brought the second page to the front and continued.

"Such things are what I considered the greatest treasures to ever have. Treasures I already miss deeply and crave more than anything to have back in this world. That being said, I know deep down in my heart that you would want me to move on. To look ahead and continue on with a smile on my face and a happy heart along with it. You must know though Tigress, that's a hard request to fulfill and one that I don't know if I can keep. That doesn't mean I won't try and live my life like I know you would want me to. There is one thing though that I will never do, and that is to forget about you. You will always live in my heart Ti, and you will always keep a special place in it that no one will ever have. It's with that, that I want to say I love you Tigress. I love you so much that on the day that I pass on, I hope I'll meet you again so that I can be with you for eternity. I must say goodbye for now though, and make sure everyone knows how great and kind of a warrior you were. For you my love, were the greatest warrior and mate a person like me could ever ask for." Po then stood in there silence after pouring out his feelings, just looking at the statue before him. After a few moments of said silence, he slowly walked up to the statue and placed the two pieces of paper at the statues feet.

"I- I hope you heard all that Ti, I truly do." Po said with a hopeful smile, placing his right paw on the statues left foot, before taking it away and walking away from the statue. Leaving only his words behind with the only object in the entire world that resembled the person he loved most of all and would never stop thinking about till the day he would see her again...in the after life.

 **Hope you liked it**


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